Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
