it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
