Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
