Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize