Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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