No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
