why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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