I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
