I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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