Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
