dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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