Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
