Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
