I got chris browned last night
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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