I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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