i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
