I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
