i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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