Me too!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
