My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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