Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
