weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
