WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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