She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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