just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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