let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
