he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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