But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize