Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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