Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
