She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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