piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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