fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
