you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
