Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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