Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
being pregnant is like rehab
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
