im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
