You made me cry and you don't even care
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
