I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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