I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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