I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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