I'm jealous of your bromance
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
