There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
