Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
