I think i peed on brittanys purse
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
