She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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