her facebook's as public as her vagina
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
