Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
