I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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