it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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