Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
