haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
love makes seman taste better
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
