Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize