Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
