dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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