im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
