what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
