giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize