there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
