Sponge bath it is.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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