apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
