Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
