I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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