I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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