i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So. Much. Porn.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
