My hand turned me down
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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