he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
