my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
