I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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