i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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