I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
