hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
