Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
